My gawd, how this year has flown past. Usually just before the new year kicks in, I tend to sit down and reflect on the past year. My acheivements, losses, memorable days and days I wished never happened. At the same time, I'm a year older, a year wiser, more excited that my life is molding into how I want it to be.
There's still so many things I plan on doing before "settling" down. Doubt I would. Ha. I want to learn as much as I can, although they say we never stop learning. I'd still like to learn and see everything in this world before it's my time to go (hopefully not soon *knock on wood*)
So in other news. My vegetarianism, has given me problems off and on. Well, pesca-vegetarian, if we must say. On good days, I'm fine and I can continue on with my day normally. On other days, I can't find the energy to get up. I get tired really early and I can't concentrate properly. Urgh. I use to get very sick when I was a full vegetarian. One dietician actually told me to try pesca-vegetarianism, which only included eating fish and no other meat. Took a while to actually convince me to try it, but I did. Only because Omega 3 pills were completely useless to me and had little or no great effect what-so-ever. So fish, has been ... hmm, ok. On ocassion, I can still feel myself growing very tired, very early. It never use to bother me, but now, it slightly is.
I can't afford to start feeling like this when exams and assignments are due so soon. Urgh, oh well. I will pull through.
So today, nothing much planned. Uni. Boring, but that's basically it. I should really start with assignments. Well, my final paper should be on the top of my priority list, but I've been slacking off way too much in my final semester of my final university year. I don't think I can afford to do that right? Right.
A change of plans have occured and I will be cleaning my room first (spring cleaning), since I can't really start studying and concentrating, knowing that my room is a pigsty. I would do it after this blog, but I plan on early studying. Oh my. Screw the cleaning, that can wait. (Yes, I'm slowly finding the motivation to start studying instead of last minute studying!) I'm planning a month ahead I guess, when I know I should of planned a while back, but I've given myself plenty of time to indulge myself in my oh so entertaining unversity books. Gag.
So, I'm off to make myself another cup of tea and study away.
Happy 21st Natalie. My gorgeous cousin is all grown up! Seems like only yesterday we were only little kids running around like crazy people and playing with barbies.
Happy Two Weeks. :) xoxoxoxo
Tuesday, 30 September 2008
Tuesday, 23 September 2008
Uni is a whore.
Eek, so I'm awake at 8 (yer yer, 8:22AM, shut up). I fell asleep pretty early. Maybe all that "cleaning" I was doing yesterday really wore me out. Hah. And I'm not even finished. Maybe I'm like half way there. I don't know.
So, I only have 2 more assignments that I need to do:
So, I only have 2 more assignments that I need to do:
Oncology and Palliative Care Nursing (Thursday)- Professional Studies 2, Assignment 2
Go me. So not motivated at all. The weather is stupid. Won't make up it's damn mind about being a shitty or good day. Right now, it's borderline. The suns out, but it will go in about 10 seconds. *waits 10 seconds*. Nope, still here, but it will go.
Apart from that, I have the sniffles. But I guess they're getting better.
I still see small penis around in the city. That's not fun at all. I hate seeing ex's around. I haven't seen any of the ex's around, except for him and his small dick. *nods* It's retarded. Too much drama with him. So over it.
Anyway, this is short and sweet. I haven't updated for yonkers. But it shall get better I hope. Hah. Meh. Whatevz.
Happy One Week. =)
Hope you all had a good weekend and all that bullshiz. Ciao ciao.
Thursday, 4 September 2008
41 days.
So, yesterday marked 40 days of my grandfathers death. Apparently, this plays a really big part in the Filipino community. The scariest thing my friend D said was that on the 40th day of death, the spirit of the person that died, actually comes back (a ghost) and wonders around. She was telling me, that her grandfather was walking around the streets in the Philippines on his 40th day of death and that her mother and her brother both heard his footsteps walking up the stairs.
It actually made me think. If grandpa was to come back on the 40th day of death, what would I hear? Then I was thinking of funny things that he use to do. Dragging his slippers on the floor when he walked, talking a leak outside in the wee early hours of the morning, his dentures clicking together everytime he chewed his food? Those were the days. And I'll miss them.
- But all in all. I didn't hear anything. I fell asleep straight away when I got home (which was like past 12 or something. I can't remember). My cousins Natalie, John and I were watching Sister Act, but we started getting super tired and decided to head home. I also got my computer that Leonard built for me (John's brother).
But yeah, one of the reasons why I decided to write was because of the mass at Johns place. In particular, the boy/man who held the mass, along with his 3 youth workers (all very young teens! 1 boy, 2 girls).
Anyway, funnily enough, the boy/man (young male adult??) who lead the mass, went to Primary School with me. We were in the same year level and he was a close friend of mine back in the days. I was completely taken aback that he decided to change his career path and choose to become a Brother. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against it. I just never pictured him becoming a brother. I think it's awesome that he chose that path. I, being a born and raised Catholic, never really understood the Bible Studies and such. Hopefully, he'll bring me back down and help me understand more.
So yeah, I spoke to the 2 youth girls, Rachel and Nathalie. The boy was pretty quiet. Had no clue who he was. Hah. Nathalie was the biggest crack up with her random question "Is Latin a language?". And she wants to be a nun? It was funny, but yeah, they got my number (no, I'm not like that). They got my number to tell me to go to their youth group ... in DEER PARK!? I kinda had to double think it through because Deer Park is a fair way from where I am. And considering that I have to work on the Sundays and their youth is every 1st and 4th Sunday of the month at 1 - 4pm. I don't think I would be able to go, since I usually finish work at around 1pm. It would take me like 45 minutes or more to get there, and with petrol prices still a bit retarded, I still don't know. I might join the youths in my area, well since the church is like a 15 minute walk from my house.
But yeah, other than that. Assignments are stupid and I hate them. So, things that I need to get ontop of:
It actually made me think. If grandpa was to come back on the 40th day of death, what would I hear? Then I was thinking of funny things that he use to do. Dragging his slippers on the floor when he walked, talking a leak outside in the wee early hours of the morning, his dentures clicking together everytime he chewed his food? Those were the days. And I'll miss them.
- But all in all. I didn't hear anything. I fell asleep straight away when I got home (which was like past 12 or something. I can't remember). My cousins Natalie, John and I were watching Sister Act, but we started getting super tired and decided to head home. I also got my computer that Leonard built for me (John's brother).
But yeah, one of the reasons why I decided to write was because of the mass at Johns place. In particular, the boy/man who held the mass, along with his 3 youth workers (all very young teens! 1 boy, 2 girls).
Anyway, funnily enough, the boy/man (young male adult??) who lead the mass, went to Primary School with me. We were in the same year level and he was a close friend of mine back in the days. I was completely taken aback that he decided to change his career path and choose to become a Brother. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against it. I just never pictured him becoming a brother. I think it's awesome that he chose that path. I, being a born and raised Catholic, never really understood the Bible Studies and such. Hopefully, he'll bring me back down and help me understand more.
So yeah, I spoke to the 2 youth girls, Rachel and Nathalie. The boy was pretty quiet. Had no clue who he was. Hah. Nathalie was the biggest crack up with her random question "Is Latin a language?". And she wants to be a nun? It was funny, but yeah, they got my number (no, I'm not like that). They got my number to tell me to go to their youth group ... in DEER PARK!? I kinda had to double think it through because Deer Park is a fair way from where I am. And considering that I have to work on the Sundays and their youth is every 1st and 4th Sunday of the month at 1 - 4pm. I don't think I would be able to go, since I usually finish work at around 1pm. It would take me like 45 minutes or more to get there, and with petrol prices still a bit retarded, I still don't know. I might join the youths in my area, well since the church is like a 15 minute walk from my house.
But yeah, other than that. Assignments are stupid and I hate them. So, things that I need to get ontop of:
Family and Child Health (Paedieatric Nursing) Assignment. (September 9)Transcultural (Cultural Diveristy) Assignment. (September 12)- Oncology and Palliative Care Assignment. (September 25)
- Professional Studies 2 Assignment 2.
Apply for Graduation.
Gah, so many things to do and I can't find the motivation to do it. But now, I have to force myself to. Before it's too late and I find I'm staying up at night doing it.
Sunday, 31 August 2008
For You.
So, yeah this is for someone. I think they know who they are. Bwahaha. Well, because I told them? =/
If I could have just one wish,I would wish to wake up everydayto the sound of your breath on my neck,the warmth of your lips on my cheek,the touch of your fingers on my skin,and the feel of your heart beating with mine...Knowing that I could never find that feelingwith anyone other than you.
- Courtney Kuchta -
A Wish
I lie on the ground,and stare into space,the stars start to move,into the shape of your face.
I see you there now,looking down at me,with that cute little smile,that I like to see.
You say "close your eyes","tell me what you see",I see only two people,just you and me.
We're walking the shoreline,with our feet getting wet,the horizon turns pink,as the sun starts to set.
We make love through the night,on that white sandy shore,then I hold you while thinking,I could want nothing more.
Oh I wish I could be,in that one special place,as I lie on the ground,and I stare into space...
- Randy Schutte -
- Courtney Kuchta -
A Wish
I lie on the ground,and stare into space,the stars start to move,into the shape of your face.
I see you there now,looking down at me,with that cute little smile,that I like to see.
You say "close your eyes","tell me what you see",I see only two people,just you and me.
We're walking the shoreline,with our feet getting wet,the horizon turns pink,as the sun starts to set.
We make love through the night,on that white sandy shore,then I hold you while thinking,I could want nothing more.
Oh I wish I could be,in that one special place,as I lie on the ground,and I stare into space...
- Randy Schutte -
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
updates are lacking ...
I know, I know.
I've been hiding somewhere. I don't know where. =/
Anyway, this is my final week of my clinical rotation and I'm loving every minute of it. Some guy this morning had a biopsy done and I got to scrub in. He had this massive lump, which we (surgeons, myself and the other scrub nurse) were able to feel outside on his skin. Once the surgeon (who was the most awesomest ... if that's even a word these days CHICK ever!) She cut the man open, and even let me put my hand inside to actually feel the lump. Inside the patient like waaah, it was freaking awesome, saw intestines, twice today.
That was the first surgery, the 2nd, was a resection of the duodeum or something and they pulled the intestines out (not physically), just to look underneath it. It was pretty awesome stuff.
Other than that, it's my grandpa's 1 month anniversary of death. I didn't have time to go to the cemetery, since my clinical rotation time is basically 8am - 5pm. Plus today I had to put one of my spinal patients to bed. I'm so tired right now. I'm just in bed writing an update, since I haven't in a while (like a proper update) and after, I'll do my pharmacology log and stuff for my last appraisal for Thursday.
Funny about clinicals. My clinical teachers name is Andrew. And he knows my cousin, because he's an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse. Funny stuff.
Hmm what else has been happening .. hmm. Friday, Dianne and I went out. Well she invited me out to have dinner with her and her friend Rikki (boy). So she picked me up and we went to Melbourne Central to meet him. Stupidly enough, he was "tipsy" (tipsy = drunk). It wasn't ANY fun at all. It ended up he wanted Dianne to give him a lift to his house. He paid for dinner, which Dianne and I weren't cool about, so we gave him money and shit and he was being a stupid drunk asshole and Dianne cracked the shits and was like "You know what? I'm not fucking taking you home", and pretty much just stormed off. It was pretty awesome, since I've never really seen D crack like that. Whoo hoo!
So yeah, we ended up walking around the city, and some girl gave us a pass to this club and I swear to God, she was Norwegian!! hah
Meh, thhhheeenn, we had a craving for ice cream, but the one at Melbourne Central was closed. We decided to drive to Lygon Street in search for ice cream. Heh.
D called her friend Jerlyn and we went to pick her up, since she lives in the city anyway. She was "babysitting". I put it like that because she was looking after her 16 year old nephew. Haha. So we picked them up and went driving to find ice cream.
We eventually found it and this waiter was Canadian and was suuuuuper cute. Looked a little like Ben Lee. But yeah, he got my order wrong, but we don't blame him. He was new. heh.
Ok, well I'm going to leave it at this because I'm suuuper tired and I still have a lot of things to do.
Oh oh, and belated Happy Birthday to Cathy boo. (I'm sowwie!)
Ciao. xoxoxoxoxo
I've been hiding somewhere. I don't know where. =/
Anyway, this is my final week of my clinical rotation and I'm loving every minute of it. Some guy this morning had a biopsy done and I got to scrub in. He had this massive lump, which we (surgeons, myself and the other scrub nurse) were able to feel outside on his skin. Once the surgeon (who was the most awesomest ... if that's even a word these days CHICK ever!) She cut the man open, and even let me put my hand inside to actually feel the lump. Inside the patient like waaah, it was freaking awesome, saw intestines, twice today.
That was the first surgery, the 2nd, was a resection of the duodeum or something and they pulled the intestines out (not physically), just to look underneath it. It was pretty awesome stuff.
Other than that, it's my grandpa's 1 month anniversary of death. I didn't have time to go to the cemetery, since my clinical rotation time is basically 8am - 5pm. Plus today I had to put one of my spinal patients to bed. I'm so tired right now. I'm just in bed writing an update, since I haven't in a while (like a proper update) and after, I'll do my pharmacology log and stuff for my last appraisal for Thursday.
Funny about clinicals. My clinical teachers name is Andrew. And he knows my cousin, because he's an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse. Funny stuff.
Hmm what else has been happening .. hmm. Friday, Dianne and I went out. Well she invited me out to have dinner with her and her friend Rikki (boy). So she picked me up and we went to Melbourne Central to meet him. Stupidly enough, he was "tipsy" (tipsy = drunk). It wasn't ANY fun at all. It ended up he wanted Dianne to give him a lift to his house. He paid for dinner, which Dianne and I weren't cool about, so we gave him money and shit and he was being a stupid drunk asshole and Dianne cracked the shits and was like "You know what? I'm not fucking taking you home", and pretty much just stormed off. It was pretty awesome, since I've never really seen D crack like that. Whoo hoo!
So yeah, we ended up walking around the city, and some girl gave us a pass to this club and I swear to God, she was Norwegian!! hah
Meh, thhhheeenn, we had a craving for ice cream, but the one at Melbourne Central was closed. We decided to drive to Lygon Street in search for ice cream. Heh.
D called her friend Jerlyn and we went to pick her up, since she lives in the city anyway. She was "babysitting". I put it like that because she was looking after her 16 year old nephew. Haha. So we picked them up and went driving to find ice cream.
We eventually found it and this waiter was Canadian and was suuuuuper cute. Looked a little like Ben Lee. But yeah, he got my order wrong, but we don't blame him. He was new. heh.
Ok, well I'm going to leave it at this because I'm suuuper tired and I still have a lot of things to do.
Oh oh, and belated Happy Birthday to Cathy boo. (I'm sowwie!)
Ciao. xoxoxoxoxo
Thursday, 14 August 2008
it's been a while...
Yes, so I know it's been a while since I've last written. Of course mourning the death of my grandpa has hit pretty hard. Especially if you're a very emotional/sensitive person like myself.
So I've been taking it a bit hard, but taking every day as it comes.
Right now, I've just finished the 2nd week of my clinical rotation. I have another 2 weeks left.
Apart from that, I've been doing my assignments, hanging out with friends, working ... etc etc.
That's basically about it as well.
So this is just a very quick note that I'm still around. You're more than welcome to email me and tell me to update haha.
Hope everyone has a good week / weekend!
So I've been taking it a bit hard, but taking every day as it comes.
Right now, I've just finished the 2nd week of my clinical rotation. I have another 2 weeks left.
Apart from that, I've been doing my assignments, hanging out with friends, working ... etc etc.
That's basically about it as well.
So this is just a very quick note that I'm still around. You're more than welcome to email me and tell me to update haha.
Hope everyone has a good week / weekend!
Saturday, 26 July 2008
Mourning the loss of my gandpa.
Short but sweet.
My grandpa Victor passed away this morning (26th July 2008) at 7:30AM.
I might be updating during this week. Just letting you know I'll be busy with uni, applications and of course, mourning with my family.
I love my grandpa very much and it's devastating to see him go. Please keep him in your prayers and that he may rest in peace.
Victor, we love you! Rest In Peace grandpa. =[
My grandpa Victor passed away this morning (26th July 2008) at 7:30AM.
I might be updating during this week. Just letting you know I'll be busy with uni, applications and of course, mourning with my family.
I love my grandpa very much and it's devastating to see him go. Please keep him in your prayers and that he may rest in peace.
Victor, we love you! Rest In Peace grandpa. =[
Wednesday, 23 July 2008
start of uni ... should i be stressed?
so the start of uni is starting this week. i don't know whether i should be stressing out or not.
still finishing off applications and everything.
i finally sent my friend sandra a package i was meaning to send to her like 6 months ago. made me feel pretty good. i've been so behind on catching up with keeping friends overseas. been pretty good with that and on the top of it all lately.
i'm not too sure if i'm sad or excited to start uni. due to the fact that i'll only have uni for another 6 months before i will be working fulltime (hopefully).
this is only a short entry saying that i'm fineeeee and i've just been pretty busy running in and out of the house.
other than that, i've done a little partying. a little this and that.
had my spanish exam on the tuesday. i'm pretty sure i did alright. it was pretty easy, kinda. not too bad.
anyway, i'd better run, clean my room a bit and then prepare for uni tomorrow and then seeing the boy. heh.
still finishing off applications and everything.
i finally sent my friend sandra a package i was meaning to send to her like 6 months ago. made me feel pretty good. i've been so behind on catching up with keeping friends overseas. been pretty good with that and on the top of it all lately.
i'm not too sure if i'm sad or excited to start uni. due to the fact that i'll only have uni for another 6 months before i will be working fulltime (hopefully).
this is only a short entry saying that i'm fineeeee and i've just been pretty busy running in and out of the house.
other than that, i've done a little partying. a little this and that.
had my spanish exam on the tuesday. i'm pretty sure i did alright. it was pretty easy, kinda. not too bad.
anyway, i'd better run, clean my room a bit and then prepare for uni tomorrow and then seeing the boy. heh.
Monday, 14 July 2008
what a grand day.
First off. I PASSED MY EXAMS!!!!
Well, I still have another exam to go because I applied for Special Consideration as my exam as Clinical rotation clashed. So that exams rescheduled for the 22nd. (WHOO HOO Spanish!)
Anyway, todays just been an extrememly awesome day.
I woke up pretty stressed (7am-ish) because I was scared to look at my exam results (hah), then I ended up falling asleep again and waking up to my alarm clock, but snoozing while the radion was on and ended up waking up at 8:20AM. I then told myself to check my results and I PASSSSSED. Well, it says I failed Spanish, but I haven't sat for it yet until next week. Stupid people.
But I can't believe I past. I've been stressing out thinking that I failed my ass off on my exams.
Ok, so Brenton and I have been dating for 8 days now. It's going pretty smoothly. I met 2 of his friends last night (they're siblings) and they live in what he calls "The Nutbean House". Basically because the people that live there are 2 brothers and a sister and their last name is Nutbean. Hehe. Pretty awesome people though. So they're tre cool.
So I ended up staying over his place for almost 11 hours haha. Had lunch together. (Lebanese pizza) and then for dinner, Brenton made me try this Indian Chicken (Sorry forgot the name, something like Buddy Chicken or something) and IT WAS FREAKIN' AWESOME! I've never actually had a lot of Indian food because I don't really like spicy food. I can't handle it! hah. But this chicken was extremely delicious!
Eeeek. Picking up my NEW CK glasses. Edit this laaaaater!!!
Anyway, so yeah, new CK glasses are totally rad. Been organising the hospitals and everything that I will be applying to and such. I have roughly 3 hospitals in mind. I know I should be applying to places that are new and shit, but I mean, there's only like 2 hospitals here that are close to me and the 3rd one thats close to me, means I have to withdraw from all the other hospitals. If I don't get that hospital than I'm screwed.
So, yeah today, I might be deciding today, and tomorrow, writing the resumes and cover letters.
I want to apply to St. Vincent and Peter Mac. I just hope I dont see Adam at Peter Mac. We kinda of dated ... for not even that long at all. Hah. We didn't kiss or anything. I guess more just hang out to be honest. But meh, who cares if I do see him. It was a while ago. I'm over it.
Anyway, almost 10AM. I should get up and start doing something. Todays weather isnt as good as yesterdays sun. :]
Well, I still have another exam to go because I applied for Special Consideration as my exam as Clinical rotation clashed. So that exams rescheduled for the 22nd. (WHOO HOO Spanish!)
Anyway, todays just been an extrememly awesome day.
I woke up pretty stressed (7am-ish) because I was scared to look at my exam results (hah), then I ended up falling asleep again and waking up to my alarm clock, but snoozing while the radion was on and ended up waking up at 8:20AM. I then told myself to check my results and I PASSSSSED. Well, it says I failed Spanish, but I haven't sat for it yet until next week. Stupid people.
But I can't believe I past. I've been stressing out thinking that I failed my ass off on my exams.
Ok, so Brenton and I have been dating for 8 days now. It's going pretty smoothly. I met 2 of his friends last night (they're siblings) and they live in what he calls "The Nutbean House". Basically because the people that live there are 2 brothers and a sister and their last name is Nutbean. Hehe. Pretty awesome people though. So they're tre cool.
So I ended up staying over his place for almost 11 hours haha. Had lunch together. (Lebanese pizza) and then for dinner, Brenton made me try this Indian Chicken (Sorry forgot the name, something like Buddy Chicken or something) and IT WAS FREAKIN' AWESOME! I've never actually had a lot of Indian food because I don't really like spicy food. I can't handle it! hah. But this chicken was extremely delicious!
Eeeek. Picking up my NEW CK glasses. Edit this laaaaater!!!
Anyway, so yeah, new CK glasses are totally rad. Been organising the hospitals and everything that I will be applying to and such. I have roughly 3 hospitals in mind. I know I should be applying to places that are new and shit, but I mean, there's only like 2 hospitals here that are close to me and the 3rd one thats close to me, means I have to withdraw from all the other hospitals. If I don't get that hospital than I'm screwed.
So, yeah today, I might be deciding today, and tomorrow, writing the resumes and cover letters.
I want to apply to St. Vincent and Peter Mac. I just hope I dont see Adam at Peter Mac. We kinda of dated ... for not even that long at all. Hah. We didn't kiss or anything. I guess more just hang out to be honest. But meh, who cares if I do see him. It was a while ago. I'm over it.
Anyway, almost 10AM. I should get up and start doing something. Todays weather isnt as good as yesterdays sun. :]
Thursday, 10 July 2008
i don't understand some people.
For a person that is pretty sensitive and emotional, some words people can say to you can be pretty damn hurtful, especially when you haven't done anything wrong to them. Better yet, you don't even know them.
I guess, we'll always have people like that in the world. we all have feelings. If you don't like something. keep it to yourself.
See, it was my 22nd birthday. My friends organised a party for me because usually every year I don't do anything.
Even for my 21st. It's suppose to be the biggest, since you're now considered an adult... what was i doing? nothing. i was still on clinical rotation over in my psych placement on my 21st. i came home to nothing made. no special food to celebrate my day. nothing. even better, nobody was home to say "happy 21st" to me. my birthday has pretty much been like that probably since i was 16-17.
now, for 22. i get lashed out as being "miserable" because they took it as I had the best night ever because i was drunk.
yeah, lash out at me again over this entry, but i sure need to vent out how pissed off and upset i am.
and this person wrote to me before asking what god meant to me and i never replied.
for a person thats been through a lot in her life, you develop mixed feelings about everything, even your own religion where you thought God wasn't there for you. even now, i'm trying to sort my troubled self out and trying to find God in my life. Troubled doesn't mean i'm screaming at everyone, telling them to " 'Eff off". I'm not like that. When I need time to myself, I just withdraw.
I'm a pretty strong believer of Karma. I don't like drama. I avoid it when I can (hence why when this person wrote back to me, i left it). But I did report it. I don't stand for people talking down to me. Well, sometimes I do. Hah. But this was on a religious site. Where you can report when people give you shit over some little thing you did. I didn't get drunk and vandalised anything. I dind't get drunk and beat someone up. I didn't drink and drive. I was with great friends that took care of me.
So for this person, I did write back saying:
"Excuse me? You don't know me. And you claim I'm miserable because of it? Excuse me if I have a life. Excuse me if was my birthday. Excuse me if I've never known what it felt like to be drunk.It was the best day ever because I was with my closest friends that have been there through thick and thin.Seriously, people like you, I don't like. So get it through your head that it was the best birthday ever because I've finally found friends that won't turn their backs on me. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "
Urgh, I'm just trying to calm myself down now with some Ben Harper.
I guess, we'll always have people like that in the world. we all have feelings. If you don't like something. keep it to yourself.
See, it was my 22nd birthday. My friends organised a party for me because usually every year I don't do anything.
Even for my 21st. It's suppose to be the biggest, since you're now considered an adult... what was i doing? nothing. i was still on clinical rotation over in my psych placement on my 21st. i came home to nothing made. no special food to celebrate my day. nothing. even better, nobody was home to say "happy 21st" to me. my birthday has pretty much been like that probably since i was 16-17.
now, for 22. i get lashed out as being "miserable" because they took it as I had the best night ever because i was drunk.
yeah, lash out at me again over this entry, but i sure need to vent out how pissed off and upset i am.
and this person wrote to me before asking what god meant to me and i never replied.
for a person thats been through a lot in her life, you develop mixed feelings about everything, even your own religion where you thought God wasn't there for you. even now, i'm trying to sort my troubled self out and trying to find God in my life. Troubled doesn't mean i'm screaming at everyone, telling them to " 'Eff off". I'm not like that. When I need time to myself, I just withdraw.
I'm a pretty strong believer of Karma. I don't like drama. I avoid it when I can (hence why when this person wrote back to me, i left it). But I did report it. I don't stand for people talking down to me. Well, sometimes I do. Hah. But this was on a religious site. Where you can report when people give you shit over some little thing you did. I didn't get drunk and vandalised anything. I dind't get drunk and beat someone up. I didn't drink and drive. I was with great friends that took care of me.
So for this person, I did write back saying:
"Excuse me? You don't know me. And you claim I'm miserable because of it? Excuse me if I have a life. Excuse me if was my birthday. Excuse me if I've never known what it felt like to be drunk.It was the best day ever because I was with my closest friends that have been there through thick and thin.Seriously, people like you, I don't like. So get it through your head that it was the best birthday ever because I've finally found friends that won't turn their backs on me. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "
Urgh, I'm just trying to calm myself down now with some Ben Harper.
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