For You.

So, yeah this is for someone. I think they know who they are. Bwahaha. Well, because I told them? =/

If I could have just one wish,I would wish to wake up everydayto the sound of your breath on my neck,the warmth of your lips on my cheek,the touch of your fingers on my skin,and the feel of your heart beating with mine...Knowing that I could never find that feelingwith anyone other than you.
- Courtney Kuchta -

A Wish
I lie on the ground,and stare into space,the stars start to move,into the shape of your face.
I see you there now,looking down at me,with that cute little smile,that I like to see.
You say "close your eyes","tell me what you see",I see only two people,just you and me.
We're walking the shoreline,with our feet getting wet,the horizon turns pink,as the sun starts to set.
We make love through the night,on that white sandy shore,then I hold you while thinking,I could want nothing more.
Oh I wish I could be,in that one special place,as I lie on the ground,and I stare into space...
- Randy Schutte -

updates are lacking ...

I know, I know.
I've been hiding somewhere. I don't know where. =/

Anyway, this is my final week of my clinical rotation and I'm loving every minute of it. Some guy this morning had a biopsy done and I got to scrub in. He had this massive lump, which we (surgeons, myself and the other scrub nurse) were able to feel outside on his skin. Once the surgeon (who was the most awesomest ... if that's even a word these days CHICK ever!) She cut the man open, and even let me put my hand inside to actually feel the lump. Inside the patient like waaah, it was freaking awesome, saw intestines, twice today.
That was the first surgery, the 2nd, was a resection of the duodeum or something and they pulled the intestines out (not physically), just to look underneath it. It was pretty awesome stuff.

Other than that, it's my grandpa's 1 month anniversary of death. I didn't have time to go to the cemetery, since my clinical rotation time is basically 8am - 5pm. Plus today I had to put one of my spinal patients to bed. I'm so tired right now. I'm just in bed writing an update, since I haven't in a while (like a proper update) and after, I'll do my pharmacology log and stuff for my last appraisal for Thursday.

Funny about clinicals. My clinical teachers name is Andrew. And he knows my cousin, because he's an ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse. Funny stuff.

Hmm what else has been happening .. hmm. Friday, Dianne and I went out. Well she invited me out to have dinner with her and her friend Rikki (boy). So she picked me up and we went to Melbourne Central to meet him. Stupidly enough, he was "tipsy" (tipsy = drunk). It wasn't ANY fun at all. It ended up he wanted Dianne to give him a lift to his house. He paid for dinner, which Dianne and I weren't cool about, so we gave him money and shit and he was being a stupid drunk asshole and Dianne cracked the shits and was like "You know what? I'm not fucking taking you home", and pretty much just stormed off. It was pretty awesome, since I've never really seen D crack like that. Whoo hoo!

So yeah, we ended up walking around the city, and some girl gave us a pass to this club and I swear to God, she was Norwegian!! hah
Meh, thhhheeenn, we had a craving for ice cream, but the one at Melbourne Central was closed. We decided to drive to Lygon Street in search for ice cream. Heh.

D called her friend Jerlyn and we went to pick her up, since she lives in the city anyway. She was "babysitting". I put it like that because she was looking after her 16 year old nephew. Haha. So we picked them up and went driving to find ice cream.
We eventually found it and this waiter was Canadian and was suuuuuper cute. Looked a little like Ben Lee. But yeah, he got my order wrong, but we don't blame him. He was new. heh.

Ok, well I'm going to leave it at this because I'm suuuper tired and I still have a lot of things to do.

Oh oh, and belated Happy Birthday to Cathy boo. (I'm sowwie!)

Ciao. xoxoxoxoxo

it's been a while...

Yes, so I know it's been a while since I've last written. Of course mourning the death of my grandpa has hit pretty hard. Especially if you're a very emotional/sensitive person like myself.

So I've been taking it a bit hard, but taking every day as it comes.

Right now, I've just finished the 2nd week of my clinical rotation. I have another 2 weeks left.
Apart from that, I've been doing my assignments, hanging out with friends, working ... etc etc.

That's basically about it as well.

So this is just a very quick note that I'm still around. You're more than welcome to email me and tell me to update haha.

Hope everyone has a good week / weekend!

Mourning the loss of my gandpa.

Short but sweet.

My grandpa Victor passed away this morning (26th July 2008) at 7:30AM.
I might be updating during this week. Just letting you know I'll be busy with uni, applications and of course, mourning with my family.

I love my grandpa very much and it's devastating to see him go. Please keep him in your prayers and that he may rest in peace.

Victor, we love you! Rest In Peace grandpa. =[

start of uni ... should i be stressed?

so the start of uni is starting this week. i don't know whether i should be stressing out or not.

still finishing off applications and everything.
i finally sent my friend sandra a package i was meaning to send to her like 6 months ago. made me feel pretty good. i've been so behind on catching up with keeping friends overseas. been pretty good with that and on the top of it all lately.

i'm not too sure if i'm sad or excited to start uni. due to the fact that i'll only have uni for another 6 months before i will be working fulltime (hopefully).

this is only a short entry saying that i'm fineeeee and i've just been pretty busy running in and out of the house.

other than that, i've done a little partying. a little this and that.
had my spanish exam on the tuesday. i'm pretty sure i did alright. it was pretty easy, kinda. not too bad.

anyway, i'd better run, clean my room a bit and then prepare for uni tomorrow and then seeing the boy. heh.

what a grand day.

First off. I PASSED MY EXAMS!!!!

Well, I still have another exam to go because I applied for Special Consideration as my exam as Clinical rotation clashed. So that exams rescheduled for the 22nd. (WHOO HOO Spanish!)

Anyway, todays just been an extrememly awesome day.
I woke up pretty stressed (7am-ish) because I was scared to look at my exam results (hah), then I ended up falling asleep again and waking up to my alarm clock, but snoozing while the radion was on and ended up waking up at 8:20AM. I then told myself to check my results and I PASSSSSED. Well, it says I failed Spanish, but I haven't sat for it yet until next week. Stupid people.

But I can't believe I past. I've been stressing out thinking that I failed my ass off on my exams.

Ok, so Brenton and I have been dating for 8 days now. It's going pretty smoothly. I met 2 of his friends last night (they're siblings) and they live in what he calls "The Nutbean House". Basically because the people that live there are 2 brothers and a sister and their last name is Nutbean. Hehe. Pretty awesome people though. So they're tre cool.

So I ended up staying over his place for almost 11 hours haha. Had lunch together. (Lebanese pizza) and then for dinner, Brenton made me try this Indian Chicken (Sorry forgot the name, something like Buddy Chicken or something) and IT WAS FREAKIN' AWESOME! I've never actually had a lot of Indian food because I don't really like spicy food. I can't handle it! hah. But this chicken was extremely delicious!

Eeeek. Picking up my NEW CK glasses. Edit this laaaaater!!!

Anyway, so yeah, new CK glasses are totally rad. Been organising the hospitals and everything that I will be applying to and such. I have roughly 3 hospitals in mind. I know I should be applying to places that are new and shit, but I mean, there's only like 2 hospitals here that are close to me and the 3rd one thats close to me, means I have to withdraw from all the other hospitals. If I don't get that hospital than I'm screwed.

So, yeah today, I might be deciding today, and tomorrow, writing the resumes and cover letters.
I want to apply to St. Vincent and Peter Mac. I just hope I dont see Adam at Peter Mac. We kinda of dated ... for not even that long at all. Hah. We didn't kiss or anything. I guess more just hang out to be honest. But meh, who cares if I do see him. It was a while ago. I'm over it.

Anyway, almost 10AM. I should get up and start doing something. Todays weather isnt as good as yesterdays sun. :]

i don't understand some people.

For a person that is pretty sensitive and emotional, some words people can say to you can be pretty damn hurtful, especially when you haven't done anything wrong to them. Better yet, you don't even know them.

I guess, we'll always have people like that in the world. we all have feelings. If you don't like something. keep it to yourself.

See, it was my 22nd birthday. My friends organised a party for me because usually every year I don't do anything.
Even for my 21st. It's suppose to be the biggest, since you're now considered an adult... what was i doing? nothing. i was still on clinical rotation over in my psych placement on my 21st. i came home to nothing made. no special food to celebrate my day. nothing. even better, nobody was home to say "happy 21st" to me. my birthday has pretty much been like that probably since i was 16-17.

now, for 22. i get lashed out as being "miserable" because they took it as I had the best night ever because i was drunk.

yeah, lash out at me again over this entry, but i sure need to vent out how pissed off and upset i am.

and this person wrote to me before asking what god meant to me and i never replied.
for a person thats been through a lot in her life, you develop mixed feelings about everything, even your own religion where you thought God wasn't there for you. even now, i'm trying to sort my troubled self out and trying to find God in my life. Troubled doesn't mean i'm screaming at everyone, telling them to " 'Eff off". I'm not like that. When I need time to myself, I just withdraw.

I'm a pretty strong believer of Karma. I don't like drama. I avoid it when I can (hence why when this person wrote back to me, i left it). But I did report it. I don't stand for people talking down to me. Well, sometimes I do. Hah. But this was on a religious site. Where you can report when people give you shit over some little thing you did. I didn't get drunk and vandalised anything. I dind't get drunk and beat someone up. I didn't drink and drive. I was with great friends that took care of me.

So for this person, I did write back saying:
"Excuse me? You don't know me. And you claim I'm miserable because of it? Excuse me if I have a life. Excuse me if was my birthday. Excuse me if I've never known what it felt like to be drunk.It was the best day ever because I was with my closest friends that have been there through thick and thin.Seriously, people like you, I don't like. So get it through your head that it was the best birthday ever because I've finally found friends that won't turn their backs on me. SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "

Urgh, I'm just trying to calm myself down now with some Ben Harper.

saturday was the best day ever!

Left: Dianne. Right: Moi. A bit tipsy by now. On our way to the club.

ok, so i haven't updated in 2 weeks i think, but so much to tell you.



saturday was my 22nd birthday party. absolutely killer party. I had it at a club called "Word". It's an event called "SoulClap". Funny thing is, my ex Sebastian was at the club. HAHAHA. Small freaking world! Anyway he ignored me. I ignored him. Plus, I was with another guy. He's called Brenton. We've been talking for a few weeks and we saw each other for the first time on Saturday. Bad timing since I was completely "smooshed" faced. Anyway, he would have probably seen me making out with Brenton anyway! Like full on making out. Haha. But oh well. Good Seb saw because he's an asshole. But loved it when he and his friend were looking at me. hahahaha! Dianne pointed my ex out to me when it was around 11. Haha. We ended up leaving just after 4am or something like that.

So yeah, Brenton came along. Which was really good. I saw him last night as well and I'm seeing him again tonight. He's cooking me dinner. :) And we totally have so much in common, its funny. We laugh at the same random things. Like totally random stuff. We love the same music. He has awesome clothes. Hah. But it's still new. So we'll see how it all goes. :] Hopefully it will last longer than a month!

I don't really remember much on what happened because I was completely wasted, but I do remember I threw up. But everything else is pretty much a blur to me. I mean, I was allowed to get completely off my face for one night in the whole year. It was my 22nd. I'm getting older every year.

So my hangover on the Sunday was a pretty damn bad one as well. I was so sick and I even went to work. Like seriously. By the time I got home, I lay in bed, got up because i thought i was going to throw up, so went to the toilet. Nothing happened. Decided to wash my face and ended up throwing up in the sink. So bad. But I spoke to Brenton online and ended up having a nap while he went to soccer practise. I napped until 6pm and woke up to have a shower. I was feeling way better than before, but I still had a bit of a headache. I picked Brenton up from his friends place and went back to mine. We didn't do anything, for all you people thinking dirty lol. We ended up watching National Geographic on some ships that have sunk. Like Titanic and the Andrea Dora, then we decided it was too late so I took him home because he was being a sleepy head. Heh. But totally cute.

So today, I woke up and felt sooooooooo much better. Ended up sleeping once I got home from dropping Brenton off. So around 1am and woke up at 9:30. Heh. I had work, which was still good. I got some free clothing out of it from my clients wife. Haha. Really really cool vintage looking skirt from Italy and jeans that I might give to my mum. I tend to wear skinny jeans and they look like they're straight leg.

Anyway, other news. My poppa is in the hospital (again) :[ But last time he was in hospital (Northern ... where I had my clinical placement), he was only in MAPU. Which is kinda like short stay. Now, he's in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). =[ which is pretty sad because he's been unwell for a while now. and my aunts with him in hospital, which is good because she's a nurse.

i just hope pop doesnt die anytime soon. my cousin liza is over in america having a holiday with her boyfriend. wouldnt want that to be ruined with them having to come home early. i hope he can make it til christmas. it would be grand if he did. i love my pops.

Anyway, I think this should stop now. I'm feeling a bit tired, but I can't nap because I have an appointment with the optometrist in around an hour to get myself new glasses. About time too. My pair has been through a lot in 4 years ahah. It's actually pretty uneven as well.

Oh well. Maybe i should nap!? Hmm, perhaps.

4 more sleeps until my biiiiirthday!!

yayayayayayayyyy

22. what an old fart! but i'm pretty excited!!
I seriously need a new laptop. I've been thinking of getting a mac, but a macpro is like $2699 over here and I was thinking of getting one with a norwegian keyboard. The laptop I have right now (Compaq) came with a normal keyboard, but i bought a norwegian laptop keyboard from ebay and put it on here. I find it easier to type with heh.

But then if I buy a mac, its like $1499 i think, but I'm not too sure if i can get a norwegian latop keyboard on ebay for that mac. I know for a macpro there is because i've looked it up. Hmm, the choices. I don't even know why I'm thinking of getting one. I'm broke as a joke. I guess I can dream, since it is my birthday soon.

I already know I'm getting new glasses from my parents. Because I told them, that's what I wanted lol. But I think there's another surprise in there aswell, which mum isn't telling me.
I wish it's a trip to Norway. Haha. Damn, I have my hopes too high. I highly doubt it will be that.

Soooooo, last week of clinical rotation, woooooo!
It's been ok. I've never seen so many nurses bitch about each other in the ward I'm in (Unit D - Vascular/Colorectal), but it shall pass.
I try not to get too involved in drama. I have weird anger management issues. It will turn into a bloody massacre if I unleashed my anger (hence how I got the nick name massacre!)

But that's pretty much all that has been happening. Just clinicals and working and getting overexcited about my birthday.

So now, I'm off because I need to sleep and go to work in the morning. Hehe.

Ciao ciao :]

P.S - Thanks my little squishy about the canker sore info. I've never actually heard the word "canker" before lol. Learn something new everyday they say! :] xoxo

mouth ulcers suck x 1000000

ok, so yes, i have a mouth ulcer. Actually, make that 2! (Nooo, I haven't been kissing anyone with a mouth ulcer!) ... hah. I usually get these mouth ulcers when I stress too much. (Mouth Stress ulcer?) I don't know. Maybe because of clinicals and I have to know ALLLLLL the drugs that I have to give, otherwise I'll get a warning, then 2nd time, I'll fail. And I really really really don't want to fail. I really can't AFFORD to fail!

Anyway, week one of clinicals have been alright. By Monday next week, I'll be taking a full patient load (4 patients) for the next 2 weeks. I have to know their drugs and when our clinical teachers come around, we have to tell them, what each drug is. i.e Heparin is an anticoagulant, used to prevent or to treat thromboembolic disorder, yada yada yada. Then we have to know the doses and the side effects and most likely which drugs it can't be given with. i.e Heparin cannot be given with antihistamines, digoxin ... yada yada.

I only use Heparin as an example because that's pretty much all I know. Haha, no no, not really. I know a couple of others, well the other anticoagulant drugs, but I have to know like SOOOO many. Some of the patients, especially a patient load will probably have more than 20 drugs all together. Maybe less, if they're all getting roughly the same type of drug, but I'll be spending my weekend working and studying. YAYAYAYAY! ... NOT!

Anyway, I guess in a way it will keep me pretty busy, so that should be alright. :]

Other than that, the ulcers are pissing me off BIG TIME right now. It just hurts and I'm trying not to fuss/stress over it otherwise I'll get more. They've gone down a bit which is really really good. Mouth ulcers usually go within a week, but when I don't dress and relax more, it goes within 3 days.

Anyway, I was reading about it and it got all these like sexually transmitted diseases lololol, and I literally laughed my ass off. I haven't been doing ANY of them. *puts hand on bible* I ain't that nasty! Heheh!! Still gives me the giggles just thinking about it!

Anyway, that's been my life the past couple of days, nothing too major. Pretty boringggg. The weathers been shit, until today, with only a few clouds, but I can finally see the blue sky and the suns come out. Not all shitty and raining like before.

I hope everyone's having a good week, and that you all have a safe weekend!!

:]